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| as i enter into yet another grand year of living, i took a little bit of time in my last days of 26 to figure out what has been some lowlights of this year, and i have come to one main point that seems to repeat itself over n' over: i get stressed out a lot when things happen outside of my expectations or plans, and usually when it's chaos induced that has the potential to lead to more chaos. 2 items of irony in all this:
1. my 27th birthday was celebrated w/ a surprise location - in all honesty i was thinking about a beer pub or some chic bar/restaurant thing, but burger bar was really clean. aside from the 4 martini type drinks i had which led to some funny conversations, certainly it was a most innocent celebration. to that i thank my best friends for keeping me out of trouble.
2. i work in a chaos aversion, interrupts driven, fast pace environment where change is status quo. to say everything happens according to plan or within expectations would be a lie. for the most part, i like what i do when it's something i can excel in, have expertise in, or can strategize for, but there are those times where i can literally walk in the office and 3 managers can come clamoring at me because an exec's printer is out of toner (this is, actually, very literal and real) and w/in 15 minutes the CIO catches wind of this.
So while a lot of times i've figure out, after much thought on how to provide a solution after the fact, it's the initial shock value that drives me to a point of not being very attractive in any way to anyone. it's surprises like those that are most unwelcome and almost unecessary. but right now, after reviewing most recent events and even point in life where i've been called to lead and at the 11th hour something happens that i haven't accounted for (because i suck at certain areas), i recognize this limitation i have and choose to address it now. hence i call year 27 - surprise mitigation.
In a lot of videos, and TGIF's i have at work, our execs answer questions almost on the fly. sometimes they answer things almost in a half-hearted manner, other times they're able to articulate their points on the fly (eric schmidt is a prime example of one who can do that). i think if i ever aim to be even halfway at that level i have to address my current limitation right now, and not get flustered, frustrated or otherwise irritated when i get asked something that's not expected.
I'm not going to be that modest about this - I do make plans, and project things pretty well. some things i imagine that will happen in the future literally come into fruition according to vision. but how did it get there, and the more immediate challenges faced in order to get there that i don't account for, i don't have much of a solution for, and that's what gets to me a lot. to bridge the end with current challenges, both planned and unplanned, i need to be calmer in the present in order to not lose focus.
So the big overall goal is to basically capitalize on the up times as those are all "according to plan" while moderating the down times such that it doesn't set me back nearly as much. There's a saying when it comes to progress - 2 steps forward, 1 step back, right. Well, to make the most out of that, and to mitigate the 1 step back, my goal is to make that 1 step back as small as possible of a step as possible - imagine a tip toe instead of a full step back. I've figured a few things I need to work on:
0. Pray about it - it's a challenge. Seek the first resort first.
1. Keep a level head. It's easy to be a fair weather leader, employee, friend. Your true colors show when times get rough. Keeping a level head in the tough times will make me a better person for all those roles
2. Think clearly, think fast. It's OK to have to take awhile to figure out the best solution, but the idea is that when chaos ensues, you don't sit back in shock of the chaos, but that you are already thinking through many paths to remedy the issue, and thinking clearly is just as important as thinking quickly in order to reach the best solution.
3. Implement, calibrate, iterate. Once a plan has been drawn up, put it to action asap. Collect data and redraw on issues that arise. This will lead to the best solution quicker.
The grand idea behind all this is that I don't get swept w/ the ups n' downs of the day, which is easy when the immediate task seems so daunting. It's easy to lose focus on future living. And having said that, I'm just trying to play catch up anyway - hopefully this will help cover some ground faster :) | | |
| As I pass through my final days of being 26 and entering 30 (rounding up), let's review some of the great moments - goals accomplished, roles assumed, challenges accepted. It is seemingly the single most pivotal year in my life as I can easily say in one year's time I've experienced more flux than any other year of my life, and even several put together, and that's no exaggeration. It's interesting that the more people I meet, the more tales I've been able to tell, and most of them stem from this year, and not so much anything from college days or high school days or whatever life stage in the past. Truly this year, though trying on many accounts, has absolutely been the most rewarding in all aspects.
Making mortgage. It's not so much that it was a challenge in n' of itself - it's pretty much do or die. But seriously, this is the first time in my life where I'm cutting a check monthly to something that is going to take a good... well very long part of my life to finish paying. But the challenge was accepted, and I think it's a good opportunity overall as things are panning out. The rewards are - a place where I can welcome people, that I can truly design a place for my own living, and even testing my own level of responsibility.
P90 - Ya know, I'd like to consider myself as pretty healthy prior to this - no signs of abnormal health behavior, moderate weight... ok, underweight, and can still do whatever I need to in terms of physical activity. But to stretch that to the next level - that is, doing more, and seeing how much more - that's the apparent challenge. And so I completed this and certainly there are physical benefits, but realistically there's a bit more, as I genuinely can say now that in retrospect I really didn't have much confidence in the way I looked before. It's haunting - I brought out a picture of myself when I went to Hawaii a few years back and my head was wider than my waist. Things change - I can look in the mirror and actually smile. I can walk with better posture now.
Leading teams - This applies to all areas of life. It's weird how I get placed in these situations, from church things to work things, but I thoroughly enjoy the role and gladly accept them for the fact that I get to help shape direction. In the past, while I might be put in places to lead people, I don't necessarily do it for their benefit or others', but rather only mine, and I'd do it in a very stubborn and unyielding way. Through a lot of trial n' error and eventual failures, I've learned to pick up on some things and forge a new me in this area. Truly rewarding as it has to do with my next challenge...
Human interactions - Prior to this year, I tended to my own thing most of the time. I realized at the start of this calendar year that it's not necessarily healthy as it actually puts me in a disadvantageous position when it comes to getting across messages, and yet at the same time creates frustration and aggrevation from within. So I sought out to figure out how to better communicate myself to a plethora of people... and, funny enough I decided to the first place to start would be with females. ha ha... As funny as that part might be, I learned certain things, because if anyone has ever read anything about male/female interactions, they are indeed about as awkward as night and day since thought wavelengths truly are different. But to find a way to clearly relate and get across thoughts and ideas to them was something I took to heart, and when I got better at that, funny enough, my interactions with others at work and friends actually improved with it.
Skydiving/Running a 10K - Aside from P90, I thought I should stretch myself a little bit more. So, when the invite from my coworker came out, I figured I didn't need to wait till I'm 30 to do it and signed on board. On top of that, the same week, I promised a friend that if I'm alive after it, I'd go run a 10K 2 weeks after. Funny enough, between training and the actual race, I did complete a 10K running, but on the day of running, it was literally 15-20 degrees hotter than my training, so I kind of wore out too fast. Still finished, about 10 minutes more than what I averaged during training. Looking forward to the next one...
Business travels - This year isn't the first year that I have business trips in - that belonged to age 25, but it did mark my first trip alone AND in Europe. Most of my adventure could be found in a prvious post so I'm not gonna describe it other than, purely awesome as I've been able to do what I've always wanted for a LONG time.
And so the list goes on, but those are just the main biggest highlights. Many of you reading this have been part of the most wonderful year of my life to date, and I thank you all for it. As I look into age 30 (rounded up), I can only imagine the escalating challenges ahead, to which I have a strong sense of the apparent ones. I look forward to them, and am eager to face each and every one with zeal. It's those unapparent ones that get me discouraged some times, and those are the ones that I can always use your help and support in facing. I truly believe that with the strengthened relationships I've built at age 26, that you're all here with me for a reason (even the haters haha), and that I have a role to play in your life, and vice versa.
As I wrapped up this above portion of the blog (it's Saturday as of this paragraph, and Thursday from the above), I noticed I got tagged on FB for the c/o 2000 5 year reunion. I looked at the me back then, and in hindsight I'm fully disgusted at who I was. I looked horrible, and embraced this thought in my head that the me back then, is about as good as it can get. And so I conducted as the me back then for yet another 2 years or so, what I don't even know, nor can I really identify any key accomplishments back then. Having said this, I'm glad that the me back then is mostly shelved away (at least most of the negatives) and there's years left to do great things.
In the end, I'm reminded that at the root of all this, my life's story should not be marked by accomplishments and the "wild successes" and wins, as those just happen to be challenges that went in my favor (and were willed to happen that way to begin with), but by the lives I can positively affect, the long term impact I have even after I leave this place and into eternity, and the influence I have to make positively improve this world. But at the same time, I still credit none of that to myself because those opportunites, also, are given to me, not created by me, and I'm just trying to be a good (the best) steward of these situatioins.
While 26 can be marked as a year to shift focus on the self, from here on out it will be more the offering of myself. I hope I can keep this promise - and it's to offer myself more to all of you. 26 down, and soon - eternity :) That's what I live for. | | |
| There was a lady who, in her younger days, was hurrying up the freeway to get to visit her mom, doing 90+. She got pulled over by a cop, and he strutted down.
As he arrived he said to her, "Young lady, I have been waiting for you this entire time"
And she replied, "I'm sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"
No, it didn't really happen, and no, it's not even an original joke I thought of by myself. It came from the 21st ep of HIMYM S4, when Ted was talking about how tired he is of not having that special something that he sees in the respective couples.
Lately, I've been doing a lot of interesting things and have given myself a chance to explore potential new hobbies, as I've come to have a stabilized life with seemingly a lot of things in order. If you can recall, years ago, even a year ago from now, I'd say I'm in a constant financial rollercoaster ride, from being in debt, to being out, to being even more with a mortgage on my back in what is considered the absolute worst economic downturn this world has ever experienced. Through all of this, I've stumbled upon some level of stability across the board, something I have never experienced in my life since high school, when I didn't have to worry about much anything money related at all. And now comes a season of abundance, so between having the ability to encourage others and share with others what monetary gains I have stumbled into and been blessed with, I have some options in life right now to pursue a hobby of some sort.
Keep in mind this doesn't mean I haven't had hobbies for several years, but over the past 1 or 2, they've all been very un-needy in terms of financial resources as I've found some method to curb spending while still enjoying things. Props to my mentor for having taught me that lifestyle.
So, after discovering skydiving, some level of working out in p90, and resurrecting a passion for fast cars, now I've stumbled upon doing running instead of some p90 stuff such as plyo and kempo. And then tonight, as I was training for a 10k that I told Markus I'd go and do should I have survived skydiving, it dawned on me a commonality among all my hobbies, which ultimately drive one aspect of life:
Everything that I'm passionate about and want to pursue are related to me being in constant motion.
Skydiving - a constant motion driven by gravity, a leap that takes some level of conscious decision and courage
P90 - a constant strain on the body pushing its limits and mentally raising intensity to take yourself to the next level
Running - going a set distance, and improving upon distance and time by pushing harder
Cars - mentally engaging machinery to cover ground as fast as possible with as much grace and beauty as one's skill permits
And therein lies 2 things that can be applied to my life, at least in its immediate stage:
1. Leadership - There's theories that the leader should always be at least 1 step ahead of the followers, to pave a way, to trailblaze, and set a course and to engage everyone else with a sense saying, "Yes I've been there before, and I believe all of you can do it too" Being a leader does not allow for me to stay stagnant and complacent in life, and it's a role of constant motion. Gotta move fast, gotta think fast, gotta process as much information as possible and make the soundest or most daring decision because there are things that count on it.
Secondly - as a leader, I wouldn't ask anyone to strain themselves more than me. To me, it's bad leading when I'm pushing people to do things I wouldn't necessarily do because I'm not leading by example. So, consistently and constantly pushing myself to limits is worthwhile, if only because I know certain things stop if I decide to stop. A sacrifice I'm finally discovering and willing to take this year.
2. It's a romance - Ya know the joke above goes with the analogy that whoever Ted's meant to be with, is trying to get to him as fast as she can. I propose a secondary thought - what if Ted's the one that's behind? To put it in a different light, a more personal light - what if I'M the one that's behind. Well I better cover as much ground as I can and get there as fast as I can. The danger of this though, is missing the smaller details along the way.
As I was running I got to notice the international house in CSUH, and apparently some of the rooms look really really beautiful. As I ran my laps I got to see more of the design of the buildings, and all the other things around CSUH - the campus layout, the natury feeling, the cops circling the campus where I was running, and I notice that the campus has gone through a lot of changes since I last visited, or at least I haven't noticed some of these things the last time I did.
I constantly feel that I'm behind on something and I'm just playing catch up right now. I'm not sure if anyone has said this before, so I may very well be the first - better to be a late bloomer than a never-bloomer. So 2 things I need to take away from this is - get to where I need to be as fast as I can, and - slow down and take notice of the process as I get there. While it's a race, it's not a sprint. Life shouldn't be a sprint, and it needs to be taken as strides, to perservere through the distance, the challenges that arise. For we know all things work together...
I'll get there... as fast as I can. | | |
| Jumping off a perfectly good plane
Before I describe the skydiving experience, I'll preface it with some interesting bits that happened over the past week, while I was in Seattle for work. I think in some ways the ending of that ties in nicely to the experience of jumping off a plane.
I will openly say that I'm quite a blessed person, not because of just my situation in life right now, but by easily observing the places where potentially tremendous disaster could've happened but was averted by me some what stumbling out of it. While in Seattle, the first night I got there, I took the rental out by 9:30 and was driving up 5 to get into the city, where my hotel was. 5's pitch black in this area, by the way. Typical thing I tend to do, go over to the second lane after I merge into the highway safely. 3 seconds after I do that, I drive by a stack of mattresses higher than my hood. At that point I thought of what could've happened if I didn't do my "routine". So danger was averted passively. As I looked back, a car some 5 or so seconds behind me was getting close, and I was thinking "oh please notice it..." but that didn't happen - driver swerves to the right, dodging it, but met the wall head on, bounced back into the second lane. Totally didn't know what happened next. My hands were shaking by that time and I just couldn't figure out what to make of it all, other than hoping nothing more serious happened after. I tell you at this point I already know I'm a protected child, but it gets better.
On my flight back, everything was scheduled to be on time, and my flight was due at about 3:30. 3:30 rolls around and as we were about to be taxi'd to the runway, pilot gets on the PSA to say, "oh mechanic has to do one last check, should be routine, folks" - so I just chilled and closed my eyes. About 20 minutes later, pilot gets on the PSA again and says, "Mechanic has reported that we have a failing brake valve, but we can still fly." Wow, talk about close. Suppose we were mid-air already and had to find that out while landing! So, me trying to lighten the situation up, tried to milk the fact that I was wearing the google shirt and said to my fellow passengers, "well, i'm feeling lucky, how about you?" Unfortunately no one takes this stuff as lightly as me so it wasn't very well received. In any case, danger and disaster averted at the last minute, in a situation where I'm about as removed as possible.
For the next few days I reflected upon these things that have transpired, analogizing the situation like Mario in invincibility star mode, where nothing can really touch or harm me, and the only thing I can do that will be imminent death is if I botch a jump off a cliff.
Fast forward to yesterday - I'm jumping off a plane. Reality sorta sank in over this week, and because of the analogy I started thinking about it - just what if? But I'm committed, and Germany taught me one thing - I finish what I started. So, I'm gonna do this. But that's not to say I'm not going to take some precautions. So, I wrote some notes to my dear ones, saved on my gdoc, so whoever, after I pass, goes to my comp will be able to read the notes. At the same time, it helped me prioritize people in my life, as I have come to realize that I've been building a significant amount of links with people that I otherwise wouldn't if I didn't step out of my comfort zone more this year.
You know one of the things I remember during lesson time was this one line: "as you're about to jump, your body will jolt you, sending a signal saying something along the lines of - why are you throwing me out of a perfectly good plane?"
On the way up, I admired the scenery in Hollister, and that soon I will be pluging into it at over 120mph from 18000 feet. I was quite at peace with the thought, and only smiled. It's as if I made my peace with everything, no matter what card dealt to me next would be. Simply put - I had the nuts before the river was dealt.
Screen door to the plane opens, and in a minute 14 of us jump off the plane in less than 20 seconds. All I hear was, "Ready, Set, Go!" twist, see the plane disappear from my view, and the next thing I know I'm staring at the horizon 180 degree and the floor. I feel a tap on my arms, and I spread my hands out, full arc around my spine. This is it! BEAUTIFUL. I'm flying (well, more like falling)!
1.5 minutes transpire, and I thought to myself, "hm... when's the parachute gonna deploy?" And rather than feeling the next bit of rush, I actually got bored!
Parachute then deploys, and then there's the calmness in the wind. It's all good. Instructor says, "Thank you Jesus for another good canopy" Few minutes later, we land on a grassfield, and that was it.
I jumped off a plane, lived to tell about it, and am ready to conquer whatever's next. Even now I can't really recall a specific reason as to why I do such things, and so many things this year other than to have a grand ol' story to tell everyone on my return. I'll admit though that along each adventure I've embarked on thus far, there's always a head-fake involved. I think with skydiving, it came to this one: as I ascended into the skies in the plane, and that feeling of being completely at peace with everything no matter what the result would be afterwards, each decision I make from here on out I should go in with that in mind - being at peace with my decisions. Some are minor - what to eat, when to sleep, etc. Those are easy decisions to be at peace. Harder decisions - what to do with a critical path in a project, where to go for work, should I ask her out? What if I tell her how I feel and it doesn't work out? I want to say I have the confidence to take the jump on these things, and be at peace with the outcome. Going back to the poker analogy - I'm already all-in, the river will deal itself out, and I've already done what I can, I should be at peace with things that I'm not in control of from here on out.
As I collect more n' more data and experiences, I'd like to say I'm contiually calibrating my lifestyle to be more consistent and improving, overcoming barriers that I once thought were impossible for me to conquer. Another one off the list. NEXT! | | |
| Mind over matter
And if you don't mind it, it doesn't matter. O rly?
The more interesting bit of these past few weeks, and quite possibly the biggest physically noticeable change I've incurred this year - switching from glasses to contacts. Effectively, i've overcame a long time fear of mine - shoving things near or in my eyes. I don't know when this fear began, but it's at least somewhat subsided. Yes, it is still somewhat discomforting at times, especially when i don't get it right the first time, but i'm DEFINITELY making the most out of this, and am appreciating the better range of focus that I can get with contacts, which actually helps me out in the daily processes of life, improving overally quality of life.
Change. To me a big change. And it's pretty uncomfortable, but overall I think any change is uncomofrtable, but that discomfort is like a brick wall - how much do you want the end result and how much are you willing to work for it? In my list of resolutions, I resolve to identify limitations and things I presently struggle with, and find ways to overcome them. The biggest item I've identified, and it's not to say I'll ever be rid of it, is self-confidence. Looking at myself in the mirror in the past, there's not much of anything to show for. I even had bad posture. 2nd item: discipline - i have never controlled myself in practicing anything that requires discipline in life.
So, in an effort to curb these two items, I sought out many venues. Reading about character development and social dynamics, working out, and now changing to contacts. The things that I struggled the most with, I'm finally getting a good handle on, and am changing my own behavior in order to bring out a better side of me. This is change in a micro-scale, a personal scale, and I'm absolutely sure they're things I'd need to reach another level.
In a message a couple weeks ago, I was challenged to become a millionaire. The idea wasn't to just monetarily get a million bucks, but to identify the things needed to become a millionaire (multi-millionaire actually, considering how badly our currency will inflate...). Character development, frugalness, entrepreneurial mindset, communication skills, ingenuity in concepts, optimism - while they may or may not get a million bucks from all of these things combined, they're defnitely things I can identify as things needed to at least help the process - thus, bringing out the best in you. No one can ever say bringing out the best in yourself is ever a bad thing, and although monetary success might not be directly linked, there's definitely rewards beyond the monetary that will accompany the one that continually develops these things.
I believe that life is a continual development process and that a person continually changes, for one reason or another, for better or worse. People are BS'ing if they plan to always stay the same. The question is are you gonna be ready for the changes, and will they be as deliberate as possible? To me, I know I'll never be fully prepared for the unintended challenges, but while those are on their way, the least I can do in the present state is the challenge myself continually so that at the very least I'll be as prepared as possible. Remember, no challenge given to you is too great for you to handle, so for me I'm trying to presently challenge myself with escalating, intentional challenges, so that the real unintentionaly one would be awesomely challenging, knowing that it will forge an even stronger me.
I look forward to what's next, and I hope whoever I become will be better than the me that's writing this right now.
Maybe I'll go get a tan... | | |
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