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| There was a lady who, in her younger days, was hurrying up the freeway to get to visit her mom, doing 90+. She got pulled over by a cop, and he strutted down.
As he arrived he said to her, "Young lady, I have been waiting for you this entire time"
And she replied, "I'm sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"
No, it didn't really happen, and no, it's not even an original joke I thought of by myself. It came from the 21st ep of HIMYM S4, when Ted was talking about how tired he is of not having that special something that he sees in the respective couples.
Lately, I've been doing a lot of interesting things and have given myself a chance to explore potential new hobbies, as I've come to have a stabilized life with seemingly a lot of things in order. If you can recall, years ago, even a year ago from now, I'd say I'm in a constant financial rollercoaster ride, from being in debt, to being out, to being even more with a mortgage on my back in what is considered the absolute worst economic downturn this world has ever experienced. Through all of this, I've stumbled upon some level of stability across the board, something I have never experienced in my life since high school, when I didn't have to worry about much anything money related at all. And now comes a season of abundance, so between having the ability to encourage others and share with others what monetary gains I have stumbled into and been blessed with, I have some options in life right now to pursue a hobby of some sort.
Keep in mind this doesn't mean I haven't had hobbies for several years, but over the past 1 or 2, they've all been very un-needy in terms of financial resources as I've found some method to curb spending while still enjoying things. Props to my mentor for having taught me that lifestyle.
So, after discovering skydiving, some level of working out in p90, and resurrecting a passion for fast cars, now I've stumbled upon doing running instead of some p90 stuff such as plyo and kempo. And then tonight, as I was training for a 10k that I told Markus I'd go and do should I have survived skydiving, it dawned on me a commonality among all my hobbies, which ultimately drive one aspect of life:
Everything that I'm passionate about and want to pursue are related to me being in constant motion.
Skydiving - a constant motion driven by gravity, a leap that takes some level of conscious decision and courage
P90 - a constant strain on the body pushing its limits and mentally raising intensity to take yourself to the next level
Running - going a set distance, and improving upon distance and time by pushing harder
Cars - mentally engaging machinery to cover ground as fast as possible with as much grace and beauty as one's skill permits
And therein lies 2 things that can be applied to my life, at least in its immediate stage:
1. Leadership - There's theories that the leader should always be at least 1 step ahead of the followers, to pave a way, to trailblaze, and set a course and to engage everyone else with a sense saying, "Yes I've been there before, and I believe all of you can do it too" Being a leader does not allow for me to stay stagnant and complacent in life, and it's a role of constant motion. Gotta move fast, gotta think fast, gotta process as much information as possible and make the soundest or most daring decision because there are things that count on it.
Secondly - as a leader, I wouldn't ask anyone to strain themselves more than me. To me, it's bad leading when I'm pushing people to do things I wouldn't necessarily do because I'm not leading by example. So, consistently and constantly pushing myself to limits is worthwhile, if only because I know certain things stop if I decide to stop. A sacrifice I'm finally discovering and willing to take this year.
2. It's a romance - Ya know the joke above goes with the analogy that whoever Ted's meant to be with, is trying to get to him as fast as she can. I propose a secondary thought - what if Ted's the one that's behind? To put it in a different light, a more personal light - what if I'M the one that's behind. Well I better cover as much ground as I can and get there as fast as I can. The danger of this though, is missing the smaller details along the way.
As I was running I got to notice the international house in CSUH, and apparently some of the rooms look really really beautiful. As I ran my laps I got to see more of the design of the buildings, and all the other things around CSUH - the campus layout, the natury feeling, the cops circling the campus where I was running, and I notice that the campus has gone through a lot of changes since I last visited, or at least I haven't noticed some of these things the last time I did.
I constantly feel that I'm behind on something and I'm just playing catch up right now. I'm not sure if anyone has said this before, so I may very well be the first - better to be a late bloomer than a never-bloomer. So 2 things I need to take away from this is - get to where I need to be as fast as I can, and - slow down and take notice of the process as I get there. While it's a race, it's not a sprint. Life shouldn't be a sprint, and it needs to be taken as strides, to perservere through the distance, the challenges that arise. For we know all things work together...
I'll get there... as fast as I can. | | |
| Jumping off a perfectly good plane
Before I describe the skydiving experience, I'll preface it with some interesting bits that happened over the past week, while I was in Seattle for work. I think in some ways the ending of that ties in nicely to the experience of jumping off a plane.
I will openly say that I'm quite a blessed person, not because of just my situation in life right now, but by easily observing the places where potentially tremendous disaster could've happened but was averted by me some what stumbling out of it. While in Seattle, the first night I got there, I took the rental out by 9:30 and was driving up 5 to get into the city, where my hotel was. 5's pitch black in this area, by the way. Typical thing I tend to do, go over to the second lane after I merge into the highway safely. 3 seconds after I do that, I drive by a stack of mattresses higher than my hood. At that point I thought of what could've happened if I didn't do my "routine". So danger was averted passively. As I looked back, a car some 5 or so seconds behind me was getting close, and I was thinking "oh please notice it..." but that didn't happen - driver swerves to the right, dodging it, but met the wall head on, bounced back into the second lane. Totally didn't know what happened next. My hands were shaking by that time and I just couldn't figure out what to make of it all, other than hoping nothing more serious happened after. I tell you at this point I already know I'm a protected child, but it gets better.
On my flight back, everything was scheduled to be on time, and my flight was due at about 3:30. 3:30 rolls around and as we were about to be taxi'd to the runway, pilot gets on the PSA to say, "oh mechanic has to do one last check, should be routine, folks" - so I just chilled and closed my eyes. About 20 minutes later, pilot gets on the PSA again and says, "Mechanic has reported that we have a failing brake valve, but we can still fly." Wow, talk about close. Suppose we were mid-air already and had to find that out while landing! So, me trying to lighten the situation up, tried to milk the fact that I was wearing the google shirt and said to my fellow passengers, "well, i'm feeling lucky, how about you?" Unfortunately no one takes this stuff as lightly as me so it wasn't very well received. In any case, danger and disaster averted at the last minute, in a situation where I'm about as removed as possible.
For the next few days I reflected upon these things that have transpired, analogizing the situation like Mario in invincibility star mode, where nothing can really touch or harm me, and the only thing I can do that will be imminent death is if I botch a jump off a cliff.
Fast forward to yesterday - I'm jumping off a plane. Reality sorta sank in over this week, and because of the analogy I started thinking about it - just what if? But I'm committed, and Germany taught me one thing - I finish what I started. So, I'm gonna do this. But that's not to say I'm not going to take some precautions. So, I wrote some notes to my dear ones, saved on my gdoc, so whoever, after I pass, goes to my comp will be able to read the notes. At the same time, it helped me prioritize people in my life, as I have come to realize that I've been building a significant amount of links with people that I otherwise wouldn't if I didn't step out of my comfort zone more this year.
You know one of the things I remember during lesson time was this one line: "as you're about to jump, your body will jolt you, sending a signal saying something along the lines of - why are you throwing me out of a perfectly good plane?"
On the way up, I admired the scenery in Hollister, and that soon I will be pluging into it at over 120mph from 18000 feet. I was quite at peace with the thought, and only smiled. It's as if I made my peace with everything, no matter what card dealt to me next would be. Simply put - I had the nuts before the river was dealt.
Screen door to the plane opens, and in a minute 14 of us jump off the plane in less than 20 seconds. All I hear was, "Ready, Set, Go!" twist, see the plane disappear from my view, and the next thing I know I'm staring at the horizon 180 degree and the floor. I feel a tap on my arms, and I spread my hands out, full arc around my spine. This is it! BEAUTIFUL. I'm flying (well, more like falling)!
1.5 minutes transpire, and I thought to myself, "hm... when's the parachute gonna deploy?" And rather than feeling the next bit of rush, I actually got bored!
Parachute then deploys, and then there's the calmness in the wind. It's all good. Instructor says, "Thank you Jesus for another good canopy" Few minutes later, we land on a grassfield, and that was it.
I jumped off a plane, lived to tell about it, and am ready to conquer whatever's next. Even now I can't really recall a specific reason as to why I do such things, and so many things this year other than to have a grand ol' story to tell everyone on my return. I'll admit though that along each adventure I've embarked on thus far, there's always a head-fake involved. I think with skydiving, it came to this one: as I ascended into the skies in the plane, and that feeling of being completely at peace with everything no matter what the result would be afterwards, each decision I make from here on out I should go in with that in mind - being at peace with my decisions. Some are minor - what to eat, when to sleep, etc. Those are easy decisions to be at peace. Harder decisions - what to do with a critical path in a project, where to go for work, should I ask her out? What if I tell her how I feel and it doesn't work out? I want to say I have the confidence to take the jump on these things, and be at peace with the outcome. Going back to the poker analogy - I'm already all-in, the river will deal itself out, and I've already done what I can, I should be at peace with things that I'm not in control of from here on out.
As I collect more n' more data and experiences, I'd like to say I'm contiually calibrating my lifestyle to be more consistent and improving, overcoming barriers that I once thought were impossible for me to conquer. Another one off the list. NEXT! | | |
| Mind over matter
And if you don't mind it, it doesn't matter. O rly?
The more interesting bit of these past few weeks, and quite possibly the biggest physically noticeable change I've incurred this year - switching from glasses to contacts. Effectively, i've overcame a long time fear of mine - shoving things near or in my eyes. I don't know when this fear began, but it's at least somewhat subsided. Yes, it is still somewhat discomforting at times, especially when i don't get it right the first time, but i'm DEFINITELY making the most out of this, and am appreciating the better range of focus that I can get with contacts, which actually helps me out in the daily processes of life, improving overally quality of life.
Change. To me a big change. And it's pretty uncomfortable, but overall I think any change is uncomofrtable, but that discomfort is like a brick wall - how much do you want the end result and how much are you willing to work for it? In my list of resolutions, I resolve to identify limitations and things I presently struggle with, and find ways to overcome them. The biggest item I've identified, and it's not to say I'll ever be rid of it, is self-confidence. Looking at myself in the mirror in the past, there's not much of anything to show for. I even had bad posture. 2nd item: discipline - i have never controlled myself in practicing anything that requires discipline in life.
So, in an effort to curb these two items, I sought out many venues. Reading about character development and social dynamics, working out, and now changing to contacts. The things that I struggled the most with, I'm finally getting a good handle on, and am changing my own behavior in order to bring out a better side of me. This is change in a micro-scale, a personal scale, and I'm absolutely sure they're things I'd need to reach another level.
In a message a couple weeks ago, I was challenged to become a millionaire. The idea wasn't to just monetarily get a million bucks, but to identify the things needed to become a millionaire (multi-millionaire actually, considering how badly our currency will inflate...). Character development, frugalness, entrepreneurial mindset, communication skills, ingenuity in concepts, optimism - while they may or may not get a million bucks from all of these things combined, they're defnitely things I can identify as things needed to at least help the process - thus, bringing out the best in you. No one can ever say bringing out the best in yourself is ever a bad thing, and although monetary success might not be directly linked, there's definitely rewards beyond the monetary that will accompany the one that continually develops these things.
I believe that life is a continual development process and that a person continually changes, for one reason or another, for better or worse. People are BS'ing if they plan to always stay the same. The question is are you gonna be ready for the changes, and will they be as deliberate as possible? To me, I know I'll never be fully prepared for the unintended challenges, but while those are on their way, the least I can do in the present state is the challenge myself continually so that at the very least I'll be as prepared as possible. Remember, no challenge given to you is too great for you to handle, so for me I'm trying to presently challenge myself with escalating, intentional challenges, so that the real unintentionaly one would be awesomely challenging, knowing that it will forge an even stronger me.
I look forward to what's next, and I hope whoever I become will be better than the me that's writing this right now.
Maybe I'll go get a tan... | | |
| Ewu's Porsche Museum Adventure - blog edition
This past saturday i was on an epic journey to Stuttgart from Munich to visit the Porsche Museum. Along the way, I came up with a lot of thoughts that I'd share with everyone who's willing to read, and hopefully you can find something interesting to take home.
I have wanted to go to this before I even took off of SFO. Did my research and made plans to put this on my weekend calendar. But - no one came with me. They just didn't share the same passions as I did for these works of mechanical engineering. On top of that, as I actually got closer to the date, I found that economically speaking, I should buy the cheapest ticket with 2 train transfers along the way, which essentially makes the trip a 3+hr trip one way, and if I got lost, well, I'd be in the middle of nowhere germany.
Point 1: The brick wall - was this trip even worth considering?
I think ultimately, the question was - do you really want this enough to endure going about something without anyone along your side and not knowing how exactly you're to get there? So even with the excitement to begin with, I had to sit back and think about this for awhile, but ultimately decided to go for the ride. It was a gut-check to even begin the journey, and it was only the beginning...
On my first train to Augsburg Hbf (note the Hbf), I was pretty excited to be on my way. And then my stop came - Augsburg. Nope... walked around the stop trying to find my transfer, but it was of course nowhere to be found. Looked at the schedule and the routes of the train and realized there's an Hbf (which means central train station). Looked at the time, and the next train is another 20 minutes out.
Point 2: the brick wall - You messed up - go home.
I really felt that since I messed up now, I might as well cut my losses and go back. Who knows how many more times I'd mess up along the way, and the museum would be closed by the time I get there (6pm, and it was already 1).
But, I really want this. Think about it - since I was young I've always loved porsches. My dad and I used to talk about the 944 turbo all day, and how if we got one we'd be taking it on "secret missions" and stuff like in the game Spy Hunter (reference). So, I continued. Next stop, and this time I got it right - Ulm Hbf.
As I got off Ulm and got on the ICE train to Stuttgart, I was greeted by an older gentleman that said he got reservations on the seat I was in. Funny... there wasn't any reservation in past trains... but i quickly apologized and moved out to sit next to him instead. Ticket check.......... apparently my ticket isn't good for the ICE line (only RB, RE, IRE, S-bahn). Me, wearing my Google shirt, said, "oh i'm so sorry, i did not know at all..." and he goes, "just get off the next stop" to which I giggled a little bit and thought to myself, "it's still Stuttgart anyway"
Point 3: Head fake - I'm gonna get comfortable not knowing HOW I'm going somewhere
As I sat there wondering how I ever got into this, I realize my entire trip up to this point I've never been comfortable with, despite all the excitement rushing through me. And why not? I mean, I know what my final destination is, I just don't know how to get there. And I grew tense, couldn't enjoy any step along the process, thought about giving up, going back to what i know. Finally, I took it to heart, and said I need to soak everything in.
For me, in life, I tend to only see the end, and getting there is only an obstacle that I need to overcome. For the most part I have specific targets that i set to attain, because i think living w/o a goal is actually wasteful. But equally wasteful, as i've come to realize, is hitting the goal, but never figuring out the process involved and the adventure that came along with attaining the goal. It only makes the end that much better.
So I landed into Stuttgart Hbf, which I would then have to take their S-bahn to Zuffenhaufsen district, where the Porscheplatz is. No biggy, been there done that.
And then, I finally get there:
You can all see the grandeur of the museum in other places so I'll just put 1 pic that's worthwhile:
... and now, onto my return trip...
Since I took the wrong train to Stuttgart, and my last leg of the trip requires me to take the bus, it means that my trip back was going to be equally new and fresh. Difference - this trip starts at 8PM, things are dark and I literally don't know how to navigate myself to where I need to be since I didn't have enough time between transfers to see where all the gates to the trains were.
Initial train from Stuttgart to Ulm - delayed + changed gates. This again starts the whole worry process, if it gets delayed here then I'm screwed the entire trip back - what if I do get stranded!?
-> lesson learned from first trip. Relax. Soak it up in strides. Find out the gate, and go there. No biggy - there will be a way.
It's this leg of the trip that this happened:
Guys, meet Gil and his girlfriend, whom didn't speak much english. Initially he asked me to translate german to him about putting credits into his cell phone, which I apologized since i have no experience in that. When we got to Ulm, I asked them where they're going and they showed me their itinerary, which was Munich, via the exact route that I was going.
We became friends during the entire 2.5 hour train+bus ride. I learned they were from brazil, and started from Spain on their Eurotrip. When they get back, he's starting to work for the humane society. We talked about relationships, and all of those kinda things. I shared with them what I'm doing here, how I got here, why I went to Stuttgart from Germany, talked a little bit about my childhood with cars, showed them my pictures.
As we arrived back to Munich Hbf, that's where I took this pic, knowing I'd never see them again. But the experience was sweet.
And here's the biggest head fake of all: I needed to be who I am now in order to have survived this entire trip in Munich in general - and that I still have a ways to go.
Up till now, I always have questioned the necessity for the depths and rate at which I'm introducing all these new things into my life. Socializing was never easy for me unless I was in my comfort zone. Working out in the past... why? Going on random adventures and trying new things sounds fun, but it's out of routine, OR - i don't have anyone going with me.
But that's where this trip come in - that i do actually have to go through with all this, as uncomfortable as the process is. A year ago, if I were sent on this trip, I wouldn't step very far away from the office and the hotel - it's routine, it's comfortable. I wouldn't talk to a lot of people - i don't need to make a fool of myself nor feel especially needy or useless.
It's the complete removal of all things comfortable, routine, and otherwise "safe" that I can finally compel myself that who I am now is exactly who i need to be, and who i am developing to be will be playing a clutch role in something grander than what i can imagine for myself. And I'm excited for this, because i know there will be times where something requires all of me, which reminds me of my life's policy: all in, all the time
As the days of my trip ends, and I return home, I'll definitely have a lot of stories, but I hope to those of you I call friends, that you'll be able to sit down and absorb the life lessons I've come to realize. Looking forward to creating wonderful memories with you all :) Who's in?
Current Mood: enlightened
Current Music: Superhuman - Chris Brown. Feat Keri Hilson
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Hi all,
I'm in Munich, Germany right now and it's been roughly a week. If you're on my Facebook you've probably seen some pics. If not - well, where have you been all my life? haha
Some interesting tidbits about this trip:
Longest trip I've been in over the last 14 years (18 days)
First time in Europe
First time completely traveling solo with no one on the other side
2nd business trip
Having said all this, I must say it's rather daunting. It's one thing to travel alone, it's another to travel alone with no one on the other side who's available to hang out with you. The demographics of the Munich office are such:
60 people, ranging from Eng to Sales in the city center of Munich
Over 60-70% are married, or taken (guys and girls combined).
When you put a small office and a huge demographic of taken people, for a guy like me that wants to explore the area, there's not a lot of options other than doing it alone. I was fortunate enough the first week to have a couple of guys be willing to come out with me to the beerhouses for dinner, but things hit me HARD when the weekend evening began.
This weekend was Jengee and James' wedding, and of course I had to back down due to this trip. I crashed in the hotel till 9:30PM, and upon waking up, realize that wow, it's only 9:30, I need dinner, and I'm alone in this endeavor. And I missed the wedding where I can be with friends? WTF!? To top it off, I also missed my buddy Chuck's skydiving experience to chat with him about it too due to time zone differences. To top it off, I even just teared a lil bit when everyone was talking about watching Up, and I missed out even on hangout time with them on that.
So what do you do... what do I do? There I am, sitting by my bedside at 2 or so at night (and this remains until roughly 3 or 4am), dwelling on where I could've been. I was thinking about things like why am I not stronger - being an only child I should be adequate with being alone right? That maybe I'm not all that it seems to be, that there are holes that still need to be filled. This pretty much continued into last night too (with a break in the daytime), since I read that people went bowling and hockey game, things I would typically do on a Sunday night in preparation for the start of a new week. To top it off, I have a 3 day weekend (Whit Monday, as it's called here), only to realize, great, what good is a holiday if I really don't have anything to do. And so I stayed up till about 5:30AM dwelling in all of this. Too late for travels regret, too early to go back home to the ones I love.
This morning as I went to go do my laundry, and walked around city center with my headphones on, I came to a realization: I'm a hypocrite. For all the things I'm complaining about, it's basically a question of "why is this happening to me?" I haven't internalized the message that I've been trying to share with everyone over the last 9 months: that in any given stage, position, time in life, I'm always at its best. The fact that I'm complaining and comparing about the grass being greener over there is indication that I have much to learn about this concept.
One of the more interesting things I've heard from an engineer, as we were grabbing some beer and him ordering his second round (this was the first night btw, so I wanted to start light and only had 1), was as we were almost done, he still had half his glass full (.25L more). I asked him, "Are you just gonna let it go?" and he goes, "no, i'm german, i have to finish what i started"
At the core my trip, there's a couple of things I have aimed to accomplish:
Finish my core projects for work
Learn culture
Learn about myself through the experience as a whole
I had thought it was going to be somewhat easy, as I'd just practice what I'd normally do, but boy did I hit a brick wall right in week one as I battled my own thoughts. I have to take the entire process as a whole, that this trip is not just incidental, and that I was placed here for something greater than just work.
In this trip, I realized one thing: at the core of that which is me, people matter most. While I can easily survive being here w/o knowing or talking to anyone, it's the stories that are shared, the adventures that are shared that ultimately help our lives intertwine with each other, growing deeper bonds. I have an adventure, day in and day out, and I enjoy every second of it. But without the people in life with which to share some of these adventures with, it really isn't worth living out, if they can't be enjoyed together, or conversed with to others. So, if anything, I will be more intentional in bringing people closer into the my life.
I got a chance to read the new book that I got before the trip, "the way of the wild heart" and if you know anything about me, "wild at heart" changed my life 7 years ago. As I open this book up, the first 2 chapters spoke to me in how the stages of the process from boyhood to manhood work. As I read through the stages, I find 2 things - that I had skipped stages, and I had rushed stages. As a very goal oriented person, I don't necessarily care about the process, and in some ways, I'm finally discovering that I'm missing out on the things that matter. Time to slow down and observe the process...
So with all this, I will issue this to you all: I do indeed miss you all deeply already, even if it's just been a week, but there's something I need another 2 weeks here to finish, and discover. Those who I can still talk to on the random times, thanks for the conversations - aside from being in a Google campus, you're probably the closest things I have to home right now, even if I don't know you very well. | | |
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